At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
