So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just want nice things and good sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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