I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
