TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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