I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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