Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize