he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
