bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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