Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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