Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cockslap morals
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
