i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
