areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
