i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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