Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
