what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this just has baby written all over it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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