i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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