Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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