He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You can't special order awesome
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
