I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
