Where did you get a picture of my penis
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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