What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize