I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
