I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
