her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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