I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
