I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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