Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The uberlube is also flammable
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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