what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
