And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
