i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
