My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
