with your own penis?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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