I hate your face
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
