If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
