I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
