When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
