It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize