we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
