He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
