after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
