Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
