I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
