Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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