Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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