You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she pinky promised me she was 18
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
