I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
