HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
