living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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