We won't sleep together?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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