At least make sure they are 18
Why
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
