I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
