You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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