Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
