lets start a swedish sibling band together
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize