why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
