So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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