babies were throwing up all over the place
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
