you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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