you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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