can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
