I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
