i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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