I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
