It was confusing and full of hummus
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
