i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
