The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
