which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
