My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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