Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
