I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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