I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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