so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
