He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize