Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
