what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
