I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
