Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
