His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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