break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
