This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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