I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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