If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
