i jhust puked up my retainher.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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