the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
