You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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