Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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