I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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