why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a search helicopter?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
