Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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