he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
