if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
