I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
