It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
