i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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