Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize