Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
