bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
