No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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