I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
