yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
