there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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