I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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