I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
